The Case of The 500 Dollar Buddha
CONTRIBUTED BY MEREDITH NOVARIO
Not so long ago Joe was deployed in Australia. My e-mails to him were filled with daily this and that. The ups and downs of parenting and living alone laced with more cheer than I typically felt. His e-mails were vague and mostly just let me know he was still alive and loving us from afar. You know the dance.
Then there were the e-mails about what souvenirs to buy. He suggested I might like a sundress. I fainted and then suggested that I might not like a sundress. He suggested art. I nodded yes. Art as in something between tschotskes and fine art. And he delivered. And I loved it and we were merry. We agreed that art was our favorite souvenir. We hugged and loved art and each other.
Now we are knee-deep in another deployment filled with the same flavored e-mails. Except there was no back and forth about souvenirs because we love art so art it would be. Art forevermore.
New art was bought. I know because I received this e-mail today.
Art purchased. $500 art. It is super awesome and I just couldn’t pass it up. I think you will love it. I’m sure I didn’t overspend for it, but I spent more than I thought I would. I think this is the sort of art that you base a room around. Maybe even a house. It’s that awesome. I really love it. I didn’t have a credit card or I would have used it. Try to use a credit card so that we don’t run out of cash in the account. I don’t expect to need more for a while. I know you will really like the art. It is oil on canvas of . You know I love ! This is the kind of art that came with a fancy certificate.
Wait, no I don’t.
While Joe did a bang-up job getting some art in Australia, I have spent the hours post the ART e-mail in a state of concern and then shock and then hysterics. There are so many vital unanswered questions. This is a man who waxes poetic about video game graphics, ya’ll. For real.
What are Buddha’s dimensions? Does Buddha wear velvet? Is Buddha laminated? Does Buddha glow in the dark? Does he cuckoo at midnight?
I hate to even mention that we aren’t Buddhist because that seems irrelevant. And maybe irreverent. I mean I prefer Buddha over gaggles of other folks, I suppose. I must not love Buddha the way Joe does. But maybe that fancy certificate will win me over. Or maybe I’ll get busy with credit cards and surprise him with my own art. We could totally use a Karate Kid 2 poster above the kitchen table.